My Mom's Goodbye

My mother suffered from dementia in the last few years of her life. When we realize that the end of life may be approaching, other thoughts and feelings arise.

My mother held on for a long period.

Dying, thus prolonged, can become more a time of suffering than of living. Letting go gets mixed up in our minds with a person wanting to die, although these are really separate situations. There are various reasons a person may want to die, reasons quite separate from rational thinking. What is really best for the one who is dying, and for the others around? Given that death is unavoidable, what is the kindest thing to do? It might be holding on. It might be letting go.

When my mother ultimately succumbed to the disease. It's a common belief that when someone you love dies from a long-term illness, you're prepared for it.

After my mother's death I was in a complete blur. She was dead, and I'd never get another chance to talk to her. That was it. But a few days after allowing myself the raw emotions of grief, I started to replay some memories of our time on earth together. As I consciously and continually strive to live a life that's not filled with regret and settling, I find myself leaning on life lessons I've learned to embrace in personal reflections of my mother.

My 'goodbye letter' I read at her wake in front of family and all her dear friends:

I just thought I'd sayI love you and goodbyeI just want to remember you.

As a beautiful shining starI will miss you dearly.

I will never forget our talksConversations on the phoneHow happy you were to see meWhen I finally came back home.

As I sit here and wonder how things would have turned out,Not to have been part of your life was there ever a doubt.I would see you again, just didn't know when.

I know we had our ups and downs, But still nothing tore us apart.You said you worried so much about meI worried about you tooI know that was the hardest thing back thenThat we both ever had to do.

I know you always loved me No one needs to show meI will always know.

You were my guardian angel Mom when I was a little boySitting on your lapWhispering your words of wisdomTo use as I get older.

You know what MomI never thought I'd lose youWhere I'll go from hereI still haven't got a clue.

I hope you'll watch over meBe my guiding lightGiving me the strength I need

I don't want to say goodbyeBut we'll meet again somedayYou and I will pick up where we left offduring our happy time.

Now you'll be dancing with the angels.

As always,I love you, Mom.

 

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