As a 5"11 size 10/12 female, I am often reminded of the fact I have a similar body shape to a "model", or at least a "skinny catwalk model". It seems as though the people telling me this were treating it as a compliment, and of course I was flattered to be compared to such gorgeous goddesses. However, the extreme body-shaming against this type of model actually gave me poor body confidence. With women such as Kim Kardashian, Beyoncé, Iggy Azalea and many other women celebrating their curves and often hailed as "real women", I began to resent my tall, skinny, slim frame. To the extent that it became a habit of mine to research how to gain weight in order to get this "real woman's" body shape. The next few years I attempted tirelessly to gain these womanly curves, eating as much carbohydrates as I could and those damn monthly squat challenges with no real noticeable results. I longed to be compared to a plus size model.
Throughout my attempt to gain weight I was doing a vast amount of exercise, as a dancer I used to take many classes each week and during these years they were at an all-time high. I absolutely loved doing so many dance classes and in fact put on ½ a stone in, probably, muscle weight. Extremely proud of my weight gain I told my friends and fellow dancers who generally reassured me that "you can't tell" or "don't worry it will be all the muscle from your dance". This was not the response I wanted. I wanted an hourglass figure with curves, not a muscular dancers figure. Thinking that putting on weight would create a curvier figure, I was heartbroken that I was no closer to my ideal body-shape.
It took me a long time to build my body confidence back. I learnt to dress the way I wanted to instead of simply copying the way my friends dressed which made me feel extremely uncomfortable as I never appeared to look the same as my petite and curvy friends. I made my own identity; I discovered vintage clothes, cut my hair short, made myself look almost opposite to what the girls my age generally appeared, and stopped trying to reach other people's standards of beauty by creating my own.
My body-confidence peaked when I moved to university. My uni is situated just outside of Brighton which is the most diverse and excepting city. It seems that everyone dresses exactly how they want, because no one cares about what other people think and no one cares about what you look like! I forgot the mainstream ideals of a curvaceous Kim Kardashian figure and learnt to accept my lanky, slim body. I found qualities in my own shape that were distinct from other people; like the elegance in my tall, slender body type.
Switching from a small town to a diverse city made me appreciate my differences and I stopped comparing myself to other people. The whole experience of uni so far has improved my confidence immensely; meeting such a variety of people from here there and everywhere made me see that I don't need to look like the current mainstream standards of beauty and encouraged me to celebrate my own differences.
Despite my journey of body confidence, I just spent the last half an hour trying to take a picture to show how much weight I've gained. Having put on a stone in the last 4 months I was so excited to show everyone the results. Doing that gave me the motivation to write my experiences of body image as I realised how much of a massive step back that was for me. At the base of it all, the only person that needs to focus on whether I'm pleased with the way my body looks is me and I don't need to worry about the approval of other people because I may look slightly closer to the body shape I used to idolise. The weight I gained as not on purpose at all, and although I still have high levels of body-confidence I decided not to shame my own previous body shape. I still have an inner-battle about my ideal body shape and try not to let it affect my confidence. I've learnt that that is more than okay to have fluctuating amounts of body confidence. But, the main thing I have realised I need to focus on is to love my body no matter what weight, size or shape I am.
Body shaming infuriates me; most of all from women shaming other women with different body types. It took me years to really understand what it means to accept your body and equally long to understand what it means to accept other people's bodies. I'm not promoting "sisterhood" or the idea of "all girls together" as I think this is isolating to many people; but I guess this is really a plea to never shame someone's figure, shape, style, gender identity, race, height, or even their level of body confidence.
Source : articlesbase.com
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